Our Kids Gone Wild

Rhett and Link's kids can get a little rambunctious without mom.

Plot
After an inspirational speech from Link and a plug for Orabrush, Rhett and Link tell their story of what went down, recently, when their wives' left to go to a conference.

Now, Rhett has 2 sons while Link has 2 sons and a daughter. He, worriedly, says his mindset is survival and "are the kids still alive?", "is the house intact?" This is his main tactic. Having memories and having his kids have a learning experience is all fine and good, but it's gravy to him compared to keeping the kids alive.

One hard obstacle Link had with taking care of his kids was keeping the house clean. He says he likes to let his wife Christy come home to a clean house but the only way to do that is get the kids out of the house. Unfortunately, while Rhett has a backyard, Link doesn't. So he decided to take the kids to a park. The park, he describes, has a pond with ducks and geese. And for twenty-five cents you can buy a satchel filled with seed to feed them. The kids would just love it. Link's in gravy zone their going to remember feeding ducks and geese. To top it off, he bought two satchels for them, it was only fifty cents. His kids were especially amazed by this. Lando, however, was coming down with something. Lando's about two years old and he started to get the snotty, runny nose thing. But that didn't keep him in the house.

"Oh, yeah. Take him to the park. Expose him to birds," Rhett remarks sarcastically.

Anyway, Link continues, that when your a kid that way you don't really know all the techniques to blow your nose or to snort and spit. Hawking a loogie isn't in their vocabulary yet. So, snot will run from his nose and then he'll rub it off. He'll run, and he'll rub. He'll run, and he'll rub. And Link can't wipe his nose all day. So he finally admits to himself, Lando will just be one of those snotty kids in public. Now, there's this big fence between the kids and the pond so they can't get in the pond. That's Link's saving grace. So, the kids are feeding the birds. And another two-year-old gets a bag of birdseed and, in range, point blank, throws birdseed at Lando. Lando's in shock, he doesn't cry. But he turns around and, out of surprise, has a beard of birdseed stuck to the snot. And Link, and Link's other kids, and the other two-year-old's mom are laughing and its hysterical. Thanks to that fence, though, the ducks and geese were all lined up and just looking out and staring at Lando and he could have been attacked. But, you know, he survived!

Transitioning to Rhett, Rhett begins to tell a similar story. Rhett says his philosophy is get through the day. Now he does have a backyard and it's fenced in and he feels like his kids are safe back there, they can't climb out. Anyway, Rhett has a seven-year-old and a three-year-old and he basically just says to them, "boys, go outside and just amuse yourselves." Now, Rhett's three-year-old Shephard wears a Pull-Up, he's potty-trained but sleeps in a Pull-Up just cause they don't want to deal with him peeing in his pants at night, which happens fairly often. Usually, they take it off in the morning. But, while mom's away, Rhett says he's fine and leaves him in his Pull-Ups. And, now, his kids are outside now and, it's a pretty muddy backyard because there's one spot that just never dries out. So, Rhett goes outside and sees his three-year stripped down to just his Pull-Ups, covered in mud and dirt that's dried and caked in a few places. He has on a Superman cape, he is holding up a plastic sword, and he is standing on a chair. And when Rhett comes out he says, "I am Superman pirate Power Ranger Captain America!" Rhett's in a tough spot here after this and knows he needs to clean his kids up before his wife gets home. So they took a bath later on. Problem solved.

Anyhow, when they get back inside Rhett is asked by Shephard, "Daddy, I'm hungry." And Rhett's looking around and he finds this big bucket of pistachios. He goes into the living room and sets the bucket down for them to eat from. That's settled. Or so he thinks. Rhett goes outside to the Good Mythical Morning set (his shed) to write a song. He spends about thirty minutes doing that. He goes back inside, though, only to find his two boys treating the place like a Lone Star Steakhouse where they can just throw the shells on the floor. There are pistachio shells all over the living room. Rhett's like, "I thought I taught you well enough to throw them in the trash!" Right about now, he's contemplating his parenting skills. He cleans the living room up, puts them in the bath, and his wife comes home to a clean home. Success!!!

Rhett just about sums the episode up by saying it's weekends like this that make us appreciate our wives more. Link spins the Wheel of Mythicality to formally end the show and it lands on "Rhett Ventriloquises Link"