Epic Rap Battle of Manliness

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Epic Rap Battle of Manliness, also known as Epic Rap Battle 2, is a rap battle featuring two guys trying to prove which one is more manly. It begins when Link is trimming his hedges with simple hedge clippers, and Rhett shows him up with an electric hedge clipper (22 ccs). Link, somewhat insulted by this challenge, pulls out a chainsaw and starts "trimming" hedge with it. Rhett asks, "Are you challenging my manliness?" Link answers, "Yes."

Rhett:
I was born, with hair on my chest,

(Rhett is saying that he is so manly, he was born with chest hair, which is usually considered a sign of manliness.)

A gleam in my eye to latch onto a breast.

(Uuhh... this is a little questionable as Rhett & Link go. He might be saying that even as a baby, he is sexy)

I cut my own umbilical cord with my razor-sharp teeth,

(Rhett is saying that he was tough and manly as a baby, so he was able to cut his own umbilical chord, something that a normal baby could never do)

Then I drove home and my mom rode on in the back seat.

(Here, he says that he was born as a better driver than his mother, which is evidently another sign of manliness)

I didn't go through puberty, puberty went through me,

(I am not sure what this means. I don't think that Rhett or Link were either)

And it was never even awkward cause I made it happen instantly.

(Rhett is saying that he avoided the awkwardness of puberty by going through it instantly, presumably as a baby)

If you addressed a letter to 'Man' and put it in the mail,

(Rhett is setting up his next line. If you were to send a letter to the manliest person on earth...)

Rest assured I'd receive it but I ain't gonna be your pen pal.

(Then it would go to Rhett. But he isn't going to do such childish things as sending and receiving letters with someone else, otherwise known as being a "Pen pal")

My time is too valuable for that.

(Rhett is once again setting up his next line. At this point, he has pretty much stopped rapping, and is just talking)

I'll be too busy working a jackhammer.

(Rhett says that he can't be your pen pal because he is too busy working heavy machinery, a very manly task)

Link:
You're a momma's boy,

(Link is saying that Rhett is a momma's boy, simply because he was raised by a human woman, his mother...)

I was born in an Arctic cave,

(Link, on the other hand, was born in the wild, not in a hospital like Rhett, making him obviously the manlier, according to him.)

And adopted by wolves, that's how I was raised.

(Link says he was raised by vicious wolves, which is much, much manlier than being raised by his mother)

I didn't drink milk, I suckled the fangs of venomous snakes.

(Instead of drinking milk like Rhett, Link says that he drank venom from poisonous snakes, which you evidently need to be very manly to do.)

I killed the first man that I met with just my firm handshake.

(One trait that is often considered manly is having a firm handshake. Link is saying that his is so strong, he killed a man with it.)

I potty trained myself, you're still bed wetting.

(Link is saying that he "potty trained" himself, saying he taught himself to stop peeing and crapping in his pants\diapers and started using a toilet. Rhett, on the other hand, is still peeing in his bed at night.

I smell like charcoal when I'm sweating and was the best man at my own wedding.

(Charcoal is considered a manly smell, and Link says that his body odor smells like it. He also says that he was the "best man" at his own wedding. In other words, he couldn't find anyone who was better than him. He is the  best man.)

Search Google Images for masculinity,

(Link is setting up his next line, mirroring Rhett's "letter to Man" line. He says that if you search Google Images for "masculinity" the first picture that appears will be...

Feel free to Photoshop your face on that image of me.

(Him, and he thinks that Rhett should Photoshop his face onto Link's manly and muscular body. This also might be a reference to their video "PHOTOSHOP Song" and the song "Photoshop your Memories")

Creative commons, punk.

(Creative commons says that Rhett has the right to copy Link's body. This also mirrors Rhett's "Valuable time" line.

Meanwhile, I'll be adjusting some really large nuts.

(This is both a comment on how manly Link is (That is to say, that he adjusts large nuts and bolts, which is considered manly) and a pun on the word "nuts," with Link saying that he has large testicles, which is also considered manly, apparently.)

Rhett:
I rise before the sun, screw circadian rhythm.

(Circadian rhythm is the 24-hour cycle of most people, rising at a certain time and going to bed at a certain time, and then repeating. Rhett says he doesn't worry about that.)

I bathe with sandpaper and my underwear is denim.

(Sandpaper, one of the tools of a handyman, and denim, the material that blue jeans are made of, are both considered manly. Rhett is saying that he uses these things in a way they were not intended to use.)

I shave with a box cutter, blindfolded as well,

(A box cutter is extremely sharp, perhaps even more so than a razor, and one could quite easily injure themselves shaving with one. Rhett says he does this blindfolded. This also sets up his next line.)

Cause if I look in the mirror, I intimidate myself.

(Rhett is saying that he is so manly and intimidating that he can even scare himself)

Link:
I got no need for sleep, I never shut my eyes.

(Link is saying that he is so manly that he can stay awake forever)

I tie fishing lures while I memorize Apache war cries.

(Here, he says what he does in place of sleep, both of which are considered very manly tasks)

The sun comes up when I tell it I'm ready,

(Here, Link is one-upping Rhett's "Circadian rhythm" line, saying that he is so manly, he is the sun's boss)

Then I trim my nose hairs with a razor-sharp machete.

(Here, he is one-upping Rhett's "Box cutter" line, saying that he shaves his nose hairs with a sword, which he considers much manlier than shaving his beard with a box-cutter)

Rhett:
I'm manly cause I'm so handy, even my feet are hands.

(Handiness, (The idea that one can do tasks one would usually leave to a repairman, carpenter, or mechanic) is considered a manly trait. Rhett is making a pun on the word "handy" saying that his feet are "handy" too, but in the literal sense)

I built a hobbit house for a homeless man without using any plans.

(As evidence of his previous "handy" line, Rhett says he built a hobbit house (a small wooden house.) without having to plan it out, which is both manly and handy.)

My kids' jungle gym has a full-size trapeze,

(Rhett is saying that he built a full-size trapeze, an impressive building feat, on his kid's jungle gym. He is also saying that he allows his kids to do dangerous things.)

And I modified my garden hose to dispense nacho cheese.

(Men are often known to love nachos, and Rhett was apparently handy enough to modify his hose to shoot it. At this point in the video, Rhett actually shoots himself with nacho cheese out of a hose)

Link:
I'm handy, too, I rerouted my bathroom exhaust fan into your bedroom.

(Link is countering Rhett's last verse in which he talks about how handy he is. Link says that he pranked Rhett by putting all of the excrement from his bathroom into Rhett's bedroom.)

My right incisor's,

(Link is saying that his right incisor (a type of tooth) is...)

A Phillips head screwdriver.

(Actually, a screwdriver, allowing him to have one wherever he needs it.)

I made my sun deck into a holodeck where I hang out with MacGyver.

(MacGyver was an 80s television series starring Angus MacGyver, famed on the internet as the "handiest man on Earth," able to invent anything he needed to get out of a situation with random items. Link says that not only was he able to make a holodeck, but he programmed it to put MacGyver into it.)

Rhett:
My GPS gets its sense of direction from me,

(Rhett says that he tells his Global Positioning System where to go, instead of the other way around)

I can drive ten hours without stopping to take a leak.

(Rhett apparently believes that it is very manly to be able to hold your pee. This is also the point in the battle where the two dudes have evidently run out of wild claims, and are just listing off stuff that they can do.)

I don't avert my eyes when I pass roadkill,

(Roadkill (animals run over by cars and killed, leaving their corpses on the road) can be disgusting, but Rhett says he doesn't care, and can take it.)

And I teach an online course in parallel parking skills.

(Rhett, following up his fourth line from long earlier in the battle, says that he is such a good driver that he teaches other people to parallel park over the internet.)

Link:
When my car breaks down I don't call a mechanic,

(Link is saying that he doesn't rely on a mechanic to fix his car)

I just open the hood and then I stare at it,

(In a Chuck Norris-like moment, it appears that Link is saying that he can intimidate his engine into working. But...

And then I call a mechanic. But I won't be cheated,

(He is actually just saying that he perplexedly stared at the engine to try to figure out what's wrong, before calling a mechanic. He then sets up his next line, saying that the mechanic isn't going to cheat him because...)

He's not gonna talk me into repairs that I didn't know that I needed!

(He is only going to pay for the immediate fix. He is going to do the rest of the stuff himself...)

Rhett:
I can sleep alone in the woods without a tent,

(Rhett is saying that he is manly enough to not need shelter or company in the woods, which would scare most people...)

I might get a little scared, but then I get over it.

(Including him. But he can deal with it.)

I tie knots that Eagle Scouts haven't even heard of,

(Eagle Scouts are well known for their great skill in tying knots, but Rhett is even better than they are at it.)

Like the double overhead figure-eight fisherman's bird glove.

(Rhett makes up a ridiculously complicated knot that he can tie. Rest assured, this knot does not exist outside of this rap battle.)

Link:
Well, I got the know-how to properly grill every part of a cow,

(Link is saying that he knows how to grill an entire cow, which is considered rather manly)

And when I taste a veggie patty I just spit it out.

(A veggie patty is an imitation burger made of vegetables, and Link says that he can't stand them, preferring real meat.)

I break your face with a plate if you want it well done,

(Eating rare steaks is considered manly, especially by Link, who was raised by wolves to eat raw meat. He says that he will be disgusted by those who like their steak well cooked.)

And your wife is always asking me to toast her buns.

(This is a pun on the previous burger related lines. Link says that Rhett's wife wants him to toast her buns, which is very reasonable in the sense of a cookout. But "buns" is also a phrase for butt cheeks, so Link is saying that Rhett's wife is sexually attracted to him. Rhett is infuriated by this and grabs Link's shoulders, and Link follows suit)

Interrupted:
Lloyd: Er, fellas?

Peter: Everything alright here?

Rhett: Yeah! He was just... cleaning something off my shirt.

Link: Yup, got it.

Peter: Okey-dokey.

Lloyd: You guys have a great day!

(At this point, Nicepeter and Epiclloyd, the creators of the immensely popular Epic Rap Battles of History series, (which was apparently inspired in part by the original Epic Rap Battle by Rhett & Link) show up as joggers, and politely ask what is going on.)

[Rhett and Link stare at each other]

Rap Continued:
Rhett: I'm too much man for a manicure.

(Rhett is saying that he is too manly to have a manicure done, which is a treatment for your fingernails. This is also an obvious pun.)

Link: I don't even have cuticles.

(Cuticles are the tiny layer of skin between your fingers and your fingernails. It is unknown why Link thinks lacking these is manly)

Rhett: For the sake of convenience, I keep a urinal in my cubicle.

(Rhett says that he is too manly to... walk to the bathroom? Who knows why this is so manly.)

Link: I can barefoot ski.

(Link says that he is so tough that he can ski with just his bare feet.)

Rhett: I can smell the fear of bees.

(It is often said that bees can smell your fear. Rhett says that he can smell their fear.)

Link: I threw up in my mouth the one time that I watched Glee.

(Glee is a TV show that is well-known for being girly. Link says that it disgusted him)

Rhett: I am my own boss.

(Rhett says that no one is in charge of him.)

Link: My middle name is Hoss.

("Hoss" is considered a rather manly name. Link's name is Charles Lincoln "Link" Neal, which this Rhett probably knows. But Link can get away with saying that that is his middle name.)

Rhett: I don't even know what it feels like to sit with my legs crossed.

(Sitting with your legs crossed is considered feminine. Rhett is saying that he has never done it.)

Link: I've never been shopping.

(Women are well-known for enjoying shopping. By extension, it is considered feminine. Link says that he has never done it)

Rhett: I don't remove pizza toppings.

(Rhett is saying that he doesn't remove pizza toppings that he doesn't like, which is considered rather pissantly)

Link: I can tell the age of a mountain goat just by sniffing its droppings.

(Link says that he is experienced enough to tell how old the goat is by the smell of its droppings)

Rhett: You sniff mountain goat droppings?

(For the first and only time in the video, Rhett calls Link out on his ridiculous claims)

At this point, Rhett & Link's wives come out and make statements that are most embarrassing for the "manly" Rhett & Link. After the video, Link states that he is going to go, "Hang out with MacGyver" and refuses to let Rhett join him.

Credits

 * Written, Directed, Produced, Edited and Performed by Rhett & Link


 * Director of Photography: Alexander Alexandrov


 * Camera Assistant: Joel Gerlach


 * Art Department and Special Effects: Geoff Alderete


 * Assistant to Art Department: Larry Ketchum


 * Production Assistants: Brandon Scullion, Gene Shaw and Jason Inman


 * Visual Effects (MacGyver): Joel Gerlach


 * Beat by: Sean B., Half Pynt Productionz ([//www.sbtracks.com http://www.sbtracks.com])


 * Craft Services: Jessie McLaughlin


 * Rhett & Link: Rhett McLaughlin and Link Neal


 * Joggers: NicePeter ([//www.youtube.com/nicepeter http://www.youtube.com/nicepeter]) and EpicLloyd ([//www.youtube.com/EpicLloyd http://www.youtube.com/EpicLloyd])


 * Rhett's wife: Lauren Sweetser ([//www.facebook.com/laurensweetser http://www.facebook.com/laurensweetser])


 * Link's wife: Taryn Southern ([//www.youtube.com/TarynSouthern http://www.youtube.com/TarynSouthern])


 * Rhett's son: Shepherd McLaughlin


 * Rhett's baby: Lando Neal


 * Chuck Testa: Chuck Testa